Odyssey

His mind's eye. Creating images of the unknown and those things known so well. Combined in a perversion of reality. Were that his mind's eye were Polyphemus. And some mysterious, merciful Ulysses thrust the fire-hardened stick deep into him. And he were blind forever.

Not here

Feeling invisible tonight
Or maybe just transparent
And hoping that no one walks thru me

Light cannot find me
Darkness isn't needed to hide me
And soon I'll cease to be

Violence and facts

She spoke of his violence. Did she believe that he was violent? What was her purpose in bringing it up? Did she really believe that he was capable of hurting her? Was she comparing him to him? She said that she was just stating a fact, as if all facts needed to be stated. As if the pain caused by the voicing of a "fact" was inconsequential.

"You tell me what to do," she said. Another comparison. Another "fact".

Apologia

He knew that he had promised some people that he would stop drinking. He knew that he had to apologize. "Sorry, hell is bigger than me."

January 4

There are times now when I am more alive than I want to be.

Failure

Why didn't he slap god's face? Why didn't he move galaxies? Why didn't he rearrange the stars?
Why wasn't he there to protect her from the evil that men do? Why did he fail her?

Resolutions, i.e., things to resolve

• Hang on to the love of my life
• Find a job that won't slowly or quickly destroy me
• Go camping and forget the rest of the world
• Continue to write pithy, cogent observations that no one reads
• Learn to live with the depressing effects of greatly reduced expectations
• Conjure a cat that appears when I need the companionship
• Watch more movies that I want to, alone, if necessary
• Embrace hedonism, guilt-free
• Provide emotional support to family and make fewer mistakes in doing so
• Drink less, but more effectively
• Get my wedding ring resized or replaced
• Lose weight or become anorexic, whichever works
• Buy a guitar and learn to play the guitar solo from The Dream Syndicate's Merrittville
• Stop expecting the Bears and Bulls to win and just enjoy the game
• Visit my brother Tom, even if I have to use a Segway
• Publicly announce that no one knows what I'm feeling, so everyone should shut the hell up
• Get a new front loading washing machine
• Cry less, but more effectively