Glenn Beck

I could carve a better man out of a banana.

Swine

I read in the papers, an antique form of information transmission, that almost 50 per cent of Michigan residents are opting not to get the H1N1 vaccination shot. I suspect that they are all creationists and/or members of the Flat Earth Society.

Michael Jackson dead

Michael Jackson is dead. And as is often the case, the response says infinitely more about the people who are responding than it does about Michael Jackson. Many pop culture events mark the timeline of our lives. Especially pop music. It is a curious phenomenon to me that many people have a clearly delineated period in which they actively listened to music. And they are forever trapped in that time period. Thus, baby boomers worship 60's and 70's music. Michael Jackson the entertainer is a pop cultural signpost for Gen X. But Michael Jackson the person is undefined, except for those who imagined him in a preferred image. For the rest of us? Was he dysfunctional? What sort of person builds statues of themselves? Was he a child molester? A sad, pathetic case of arrested development? Or just a very talented pop singer?

Tats

-Dude, how come you don't have any tats?
-Do I look like a f*****g piece of canvas?

Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen

For the sake of appearances, shouldn't Popeye's offer spinach-flavored chicken?

Face recognition

Does face recognition software really exist? Or is there a facility somewhere with a thousand people staring at monitors and suddenly someone says "Hey, I know that guy!"

April

The old man stood along side the river. I have wrongly asked that others live my dreams for me, he thought. They could not. And now I have no dreams left.