Resolutions, i.e., things to resolve

• Hang on to the love of my life
• Find a job that won't slowly or quickly destroy me
• Go camping and forget the rest of the world
• Continue to write pithy, cogent observations that no one reads
• Learn to live with the depressing effects of greatly reduced expectations
• Conjure a cat that appears when I need the companionship
• Watch more movies that I want to, alone, if necessary
• Embrace hedonism, guilt-free
• Provide emotional support to family and make fewer mistakes in doing so
• Drink less, but more effectively
• Get my wedding ring resized or replaced
• Lose weight or become anorexic, whichever works
• Buy a guitar and learn to play the guitar solo from The Dream Syndicate's Merrittville
• Stop expecting the Bears and Bulls to win and just enjoy the game
• Visit my brother Tom, even if I have to use a Segway
• Publicly announce that no one knows what I'm feeling, so everyone should shut the hell up
• Get a new front loading washing machine
• Cry less, but more effectively